Category Archives: Opinion

Fountain City, House games, News, Opinion

The 2023 Fountain City Roller Derby House Championship Preview

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This Saturday night… we may see something we’ve never seen before.

First, some stats.

Current Standings

Deadly Sirens 3-0
Shotgun Sheilas 2-1
Lovely Lethals 1-2
Royal Pains 0-3

We’ve seen the numbers fall just perfectly like this a few times in the past, but never have we seen these numbers with the Deadly Sirens on top.

And you know what? They’re probably going to stay that way—but we won’t know until this Saturday night when the Sirens take on the Shotgun Sheilas, who are making their tenth consecutive championship appearance.

Yes, tenth—something that is unprecedented and unmatched in the annals of Kansas City roller derby. No other team, in this league or any other in this town, has made 10 consecutive championship appearances. That’s something that can’t be taken away no matter who wins this weekend.

By the Numbers

Deadly Sirens, 3-0
Points scored: 223
Points allowed: 126
Point differential: +97

Shotgun Sheilas, 2-1
Points scored: 208
Points allowed: 162
Point differential: +46

Lovely Lethals, 1-2
Points scored: 164
Points allowed: 224
Point differential: -60

Royal Pains, 0-3
Points scored: 140
Points allowed: 223
Point differential: -83

This would seem to be a run-of-the-mill championship bout: The two teams with the best records and the best point differentials are facing off for the trophy, and the best team will win. Right?

We tend to follow the numbers, but to be fair, that’s led to predictive disaster a fair number of times in the past, like when the Lovely Lethals upset the Sheilas in 2016, the Susans upset the Dorothys in 2017, and the Vixens threw everyone for a loop in 2019 when they took down the Knockouts in the upset of the century.

On one hand, the Sirens soundly defeated the Sheilas in their only match-up earlier this year, final score 58-35. On the other, if we know anything about the Shotgun Sheilas and their history, we know you’d be a fool to count them out completely. So we don’t.

But.

Truthfully, this is just the Sirens’ year. It’s going to happen. We’re predicting a Deadly Sirens win by a margin of 12 points—and that, my fellow derby fans, will complete the set. The Sirens will bring home their first-ever Fountain City Roller Derby house championship and bring a welcome end to one of the most bewildering dry spells in Kansas City roller derby history.

No one seems to know why a Sirens squad that’s traditionally been packed with talent can never seem to notch enough wins to make the magic happen, but this year, they finally have everything going for them—and we couldn’t be more thrilled. The only thing left is to do it. It’s going to be one hell of a championship game.

So join us trackside this Saturday night for the final house game of the season. The Royal Pains and Lovely Lethals will kick the night off with the annual grudge match, and then it’s go time: The Sirens and the Sheilas face off for all the marbles. As always, we can’t wait to see how this one shakes out, and we wish all of these teams nothing but the best of luck as they show us all, once again, what they’re made of.


Fountain City, General derby, House games, Opinion

Is 2023 the Year of the Siren?

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First, let’s get some stats out of the way.

Current Standings

Deadly Sirens 2-0
Shotgun Sheilas 1-1
Lovely Lethals 1-1
Royal Pains 0-2

There’s a lot going on here. You don’t need very many fingers to count the number of times the Deadly Sirens have started the season at 2-0. It’s even less common that they’ve sat atop the league alone.

The Sirens, talented as they’ve always been, have not had much luck in the win-loss column through most of the 20-teens, and not to beat a dead horse, but they remain, to this day, the only Fountain City Roller Derby team to have never taken home the house championship.

Let me tell you—this could be the year that changes. Let’s take a look at a bit of history.

The Sirens Throughout the Years

In 2011, the first year for the current house teams, the Deadly Sirens spent most of the season looking like the team to beat. They handily defeated everyone in their path for the first four games of the season and began the year at 4-0.

Then, they lost their top-scoring jammer, a phenom named Helen Killer who was averaging over 35 points a game when she vanished. And that is exactly what happened—as far as the public could tell, Ms. Killer disappeared into thin air and was never seen again.

Since then, we’ve heard several versions of what happened and why she left the league, but none of that is important. People leave roller derby for a variety of personal and professional reasons all the time. All things being equal, one reason is as valid as another.

But her absence was certainly felt—that year and in years to come. Remember the part about how she was averaging over 35 points a game? The Sirens only lost that year’s championship game to the Lethals by 14 points, which tells you everything you need to know about what an asset she was. No team is one player, of course, but high-octane jammers like Helen Killer can and do make an immediate difference, both with their presence and their absence. The Sirens losing the championship game that year was the last thing anyone expected just a few weeks prior.

The Sirens persevered.

In the years that followed, the Sirens struggled. As the league moved from River Roll to Hale Arena to B&D Skate Center, the Ladies in Teal seemed to find themselves at the bottom of the heap more often than not, once even forfeiting the final period of a game in accordance with MADE’s mercy rule. For several years in a row, they were only able to notch one or maybe two wins per season (at most) and still usually lost the annual grudge match to whatever team happened to be in the cellar with them at the time. In all, it was a rough time to be a Sirens fan.

Things really started to turn around for the Sirens in 2018 when they fought their way back to Fountain City’s championship game for the first time in seven years. And although they dropped that game (and the trophy) to the Sheilas, they turned around and made a repeat appearance the following year, once again losing out to the Sheilas but putting the derby community on notice that they were not to be trifled with.

COVID hit, the world ended, and we lost the 2020 and 2021 seasons. Somehow, though, the Deadly Sirens barely missed a beat. They missed the championship game in 2022, but now, just one year later, they find themselves halfway through the new season and sitting as comfortably on top as they can with the other half still in front of them.

A Look Ahead

Thus far, the Sirens have outscored their opponents 132-76 overall and even held the terrifying Shotgun Sheilas to only 35 points in last month’s game. (Helen Killer used to score that many points by herself.)

It’s a bit early to start making predictions, but it’s not at all unreasonable to say that the Deadly Sirens have a very, very good chance of making Fountain City Roller Derby history at this year’s championship game. There seems to be little doubt they’ll go to the big dance, given their performance thus far, but I’d go so far as to say they’re in a good position to make 2023 the Year of the Siren and bring home their first house championship in league history.

All we can do is watch. And cheer. And cross our fingers. Whoever your favorite team(s) may be, join us trackside for Fountain City’s next nailbiting event on March 25 as the Sirens take on the only team they haven’t faced this season, the Lovely Lethals.

Between that and the game between the Royal Pains and the Shotgun Sheilas, we’re all in for quite a night of flat track action at Olahrama (formerly B&D Skate Center). Check out the event page on Facebook for all the information, and start placing your bets, because the next event on April 29 will be the championship game.

Will the Deadly Sirens be there? We say yes.

Will they take home the trophy? We don’t know… but at this point, a “no” doesn’t seem like a very safe bet.

General derby, House games, KCRW, News, Opinion

The Kansas City Roller Warriors Mini Home Team Season

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This Sunday night at Skate City West, the Kansas City Roller Warriors are finally back to a regular schedule in what they’re calling their Mini Home Team Season.

And as D’Nouncer Duane put it on draft night, “It is the dawn of a new era.” Because, my fellow derby fans and enthusiasts, you are witnessing just that.

If you haven’t heard the news, the Kansas City Roller Warriors are making history by not only redrafting all the teams but also creating new house teams altogether.

You read that right. Our hometown teams, the Dreadnought Dorothys, the Victory Vixens, the Black Eye Susans, and the Knockouts have seen their last games. That could be the biggest news in the history of the league, apart from when the teams were first formed to begin with. As you’ve probably guessed, we’re not sure how to feel about it, but first, let’s take a look at what’s ahead.

The 2023 Season

When the pandemic hit, the first things to shut down were sports and recreation leagues. No one knew what to expect; some even speculated we’d be back in action in only a few weeks. That… isn’t quite what happened, and in the meantime, a lot of people put a lot of thought into what’s important and what they wanted to do moving forward.

As you may remember, the 2019-20 season promised big things—chief among them more than a half-dozen returning veterans from years past that old school fans like myself could only dream of seeing on the flat track again.

We even saw Annie Maul in black and yellow.

But the pandemic changed a lot of things. Some players who may have been on the fence about continuing to skate perhaps saw an opportunity for a clean break. Others decided to mix it up a little more and joined Fountain City Roller Derby since that league began playing quite a bit earlier than KCRW did. Any way you cut it, the Roller Warriors found themselves with far fewer available players than before the world ended, which explains not only the delay in restarting house team competition but also the decision to rebrand with three new house teams.

The Teams

Our new Kansas City Roller Warriors house teams are named after well-known Kansas City locales, and they are the Strawberry Hellions, the 18th & Vines, and the Midtown Misfits.

We couldn’t be more thrilled with the thought and creative design that went into these new teams, their names, and their mascots. Big picture, the whole thing frankly couldn’t be more perfect. When Dead Girl Derby changed its name to Fountain City Roller Derby at the end of the 2014 season, they did so to better tie the league to its beloved hometown. It was a brilliant move.

And although saying goodbye to the four house teams we’ve loved and cheered on for more than a decade isn’t easy, we’re equally excited about how these new house team names will reflect where they’re from and represent Kansas City at least as well as their predecessors did.

Some Final Thoughts

The Glitter Mafia will live on in our hearts. “Black Eye or Die” will forever be a trackside battle cry in Kansas City. The Vixens made us love the red, white, and blue in a way we never thought possible. The Dorothys’ six-year championship streak may never be duplicated.

The memories we’ve shared with this league since we discovered it in late 2009 are practically endless. We watched in awe every season as the Dreadnought Dorothys steamrolled team after team, taking home trophy after trophy, seemingly impervious to the skill and tenacity of the teams with whom they shared the track.

We celebrated with the Victory Vixens in 2012 as they became the first non-Dorothys Rink of Fire champions in league history.

We held our breath as the Black Eye Susans captured their first Rink of Fire title the following year in one hell of a nailbiter that featured the very first overtime jam we’d ever seen.

And the Knockouts completed the set as they won their first Rink of Fire championship the year after that, something that would’ve been practically unthinkable just a few short seasons earlier.

We mourned alongside our Roller Warrior friends in 2016 at the untimely passing of the legendary Coach Ice, who (among many other things) helped lead our All Star team to the national title in 2007.

We cheered again for the red, white, and blue in 2015 and 2016 as the Vixens became the first team since the Dorothys to win back-to-back championships.

In 2017, the 3-3 Susans defeated the 6-0 Dorothys in one of the most shocking upsets in Rink of Fire history up to that point.

Not to be outdone, the 2019 Vixens topped even that as they entered the Rink of Fire with a dismal 2-4 record and soundly defeated the 6-0 Knockouts in an outcome no one could have seen coming, no matter what they tell you.

For all the years, all the cheers, all the tears, and everything else we shared with these four house teams: Thank you.

Thank you for the endless talent, dedication, patience, and commitment it took to keep this incredible labor of love afloat all these years, and thank you, as always, for the opportunity you’ve afforded us to join you in promoting and enjoying the Greatest Sport in the World… in the greatest city in the world for it.

We will miss the Ruby Reds, the stars and stripes, the Ladies in Teal, and the Black & Yellow, certainly—but we also look forward to a future in which a new generation of Roller Warriors action takes the track and makes new memories for a new generation of roller derby fans… right alongside the old ones.

Onward and upward, Roller Warriors. We can’t wait to see what you’ve got for us next.

Welcome back.

Blacksnake Rollergirls, General derby, House games, Opinion

Sith Happens

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Tonight, at the St. Joseph Civic Arena, the Blacksnake Rollergirls take the track for Sith Happens, a Star Wars-themed night of flat track awesomeness that also happens to be their 2014 championship games!


Click for the Facebook event page.

Doors open at the Civic Arena at 5:00. The first game of the night will be a grudge match between the Jesse Janes and the Venomous Vixens. Then, in the championship event, the defending champion Danger Dolls take on the always-threatening Rushin’ Rollettes, who are looking for their first championship in their brief two-year history.

The first whistle is at 6:00, and for the championship game, we’re predicting a Danger Dolls win by a margin of about 12. Both the Dolls and Rollettes have fought some pretty bruising competition to earn a spot in this year’s league champs, and we’re giving the Dolls the edge here based partially on their 10-point victory over the Rollettes back in April. You can expect all of these ladies to bring their A-games for tonight’s event, and we can’t to see how it all shakes out.

As always, you can follow us on our Twitter page for scores and highlights if you’re not able to make it to St. Joe tonight, and whether you’re there or not, follow along as the evening progresses on our Instagram page as we take you behind the scenes of one of the most dynamic and entertaining flat track leagues the Kansas City area has to offer.

Regardless of the tonight’s outcomes, you can expect some of the hardest-hitting contests of the season tonight in St. Joseph, so don’t miss it. We will see you there!

Coed League, Dead Girl Derby, Interviews, News, Opinion, Zombie league

Fountain City Roller Derby

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We at KC Derby Digest have gotten quite a few e-mails (and even a few phone calls, which is weird for a web site) from local followers of this great sport asking about the impending name change from Dead Girl Derby to Fountain City Roller Derby, a change which was announced on live television a couple of weeks ago when Coach Kentner, Mel Breakdown, Texas Outlaw, and Slim Karsmashian appeared on KCTV5 News to talk about the league and all the latest. We caught up with Coach Kentner late last week to get the full details, and here’s what he had to say, followed by our own take on this incredible announcement.


Not pictured: Coach Kentner.

KC Derby Digest:
What prompted the name change to Fountain City after five seasons?

Coach Kentner:
“With the introduction of our two coed teams this year, we felt the “Girl” in Dead Girl Derby did not really describe us as a league anymore. We also wanted a name that tied us to the city that we love and come from. Kansas City’s nickname is the “City of Fountains,” so we thought Fountain City Roller Derby was a perfect fit for us.”

KC Derby Digest:
And who designed that brilliant new logo?

Coach Kentner:
“Our very own skater, Zombina, was the one who designed the logo and did an amazing job.”

KC Derby Digest:
When is the name change official?

Coach Kentner:
“The plan right now is to transition at the end of season on September 8th, the day after the last Coed/Zombie League bout. However, at the new recruitment nights on August 10th and 18th, the potential new league members will only know the league as Fountain City Roller Derby from the time they start.”

KC Derby Digest:
Will Dead Girl Derby merchandise still be available? Also, is the full line of FCRD merch already available, or will that take time to roll out?

Coach Kentner:
“Dead Girl Derby merchandise is still available for purchase, but in limited quantities. We plan on selling it until it runs out. If we have a demand for what would now be considered “vintage” DGD gear, we will certainly look into printing more DGD merchandise. We do have some Fountain City Roller Derby [shirts] for sale, but it will take some time to get everything [else] designed and ordered. No team names will change, so team merchandise is still available for purchase. We are trying to make the transition for all our fans as easy as possible so no one gets lost in what is going on.”

Our Take on the New Name

Errrbody’s been wanting to know what KC Derby Digest thinks of the name change. Traditionally, we tend to be… well, traditionalists, so to speak. We don’t love change, and typically, we figure things are the way they are for a reason.

Having said that, we think the new league name is brilliant.

And that’s not “as opposed” to the old name, either; we’ve spoken with several people in the last couple of weeks who say they’ve always disliked the name Dead Girl Derby, and although we are not among them, we are in full agreement that the name change will benefit the league in just about every way imaginable.

Coach Kentner was exactly right: it does better reflect the league’s roots in Kansas City, and that’s important. “Fountain City” is clever, it’s culturally referential, and if you know what’s what, it does tell you where we’re from without actually naming the city. To add to the appeal, it will be vague enough for non-Kansas Citians to wonder aloud about the name, which is a form of free marketing/advertising unto itself. But perhaps most importantly, it is the latest indication that this amazing league has absolutely, positively grown into adulthood after five fantastically successful seasons.

The name Dead Girl Derby has its roots in the zombie theme the league’s bouts used to feature. In those days, Gang Green and Black Plague were the only two teams in existence, in keeping with the theme. The original logo was on board with that too:


Click to enlarge

It was fun, whimsical, and perfectly appropriate for an up-and-coming flat track league in its infancy. But I have to say, the chuckles I often heard when telling newbies about something called “Dead Girl Derby” were getting really old. Legitimacy in the eyes of the public is something roller derby may always struggle with, and this name change will be the latest nail in the coffin of the perception that this great sport is just pro rasslin’ on wheels.

At this point, they’ve outgrown the name, the logo, and the zombie theme. House games are held at Hale Arena — not exactly small potatoes. The league itself is now comprised of eight teams, and as a result, their membership has surpassed that of all other Kansas City leagues, male or female, making them “Kansas City’s largest roller derby league,” according to their still-under construction web site. A new name was simply the next logical step in the evolution of this unparalleled league, and they’ve certainly made the most of the opportunity.

In keeping with their origins, the new Fountain City logo retains at least one element of the old Dead Girl Derby design, and the Zombie League bouts held at B&D Skate Center are the perfect throwback to days gone by. From there, however, it is clearly onward and upward for this unstoppable league, and we at KC Derby Digest couldn’t be more thrilled about their continued growth and success. As these ladies and gents bring their Dead Girl days to an end and enter a new era of flat track excellence, we look forward to seeing what these incredible athletes have in store for us in future seasons.

General derby, House games, KCRW, Opinion

Rink of Fire 2013

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Derby fans, this is what it all comes down to. The Kansas City Roller Warriors have rocked Municipal Auditorium all season long, and this Saturday night, the Rink of Fire championship will settle for good and all who holds flat track supremacy in 2013.

The evening begins with the third place game between the Dreadnought Dorothys and the 2012 champion Victory Vixens. The Dorothys have had a rough go of it the last couple of seasons, going winless in both ’12 and ’13 after six straight seasons of taking home the house cup. These two teams faced off last month in what amounted to a preview of this year’s Rink of Fire, and while the Vixens claimed a solid 206-111 win over the Ruby Reds, we couldn’t help but notice how long it’s been since anyone scored 100+ points against the Red White ‘n Blue… who, if you’ll remember, didn’t lose one stinkin’ game in 2012. Granted, a handful of Vixens retired after the ’12 season, and the great Situation, née Evolution, is now skating her heart out in the Hawaiian isles after retiring from the Roller Warriors after last month’s game. So there are factors, to say the least.

Nonetheless, we’re predicting a Vixens win by 70 points or better, but expect the Dorothys to show up in full force, never giving an inch and taking every mile they can get their hands on.


YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

Then, in game two… you shall bear witness to what may well be the most important bout in all of Kansas City roller derby for the 2013 season. The Knockouts and the Black Eye Susans, neither of whom have ever taken home a Rink of Fire championship in the nine-year history of the Kansas City Roller Warriors, will take the track in what is absolutely guaranteed to be the most intense championship bout this phenomenal league has ever brought us. Last month’s game between these two titans saw the Knockouts‘ 53-point halftime lead dwindle to six late in the fourth period. The whole ball game was decided in the final jam when the Black Eye Susans jammer was sent to the box on an unfortunate (and perhaps controversial) penalty that allowed the Knockouts a power jam and resulted in a 164-146 final.

Eighteen points, people. That is nothing in WFTDA flat track. To further muddy the waters, the Susans were skating without mainstays Damsel of D’Tension and Extremely Frank last month as well, both of whom will be back and ready to roll this Saturday night. In other words, last month’s game told us absolutely nothing, and this next one is almost impossible to call.

Having said that, we’re predicting a Knockouts win by a margin of THE VERY LAST JAM. These two teams are so well-matched, the whole thing is going to wind up being a white-knuckled nailbiter pretty much from start to finish. There really is no sufficient hyperbole here.


You Bruz, you lose.

Doors open at Municipal Auditorium at 5:00 Saturday evening, and the first whistle is promptly at 6:00. Get there early. This, above all others, is the bout night you do not want to miss. These Roller Warriors have been through a lot in 2013; all four teams have made significant strides on the track this season, and the Rink of Fire is what it all comes down to. Show your support for this league of extraordinary women and cheer your favorite team(s) on to victory this Saturday night! We will definitely, definitely see you there!