The Kansas City area hasn’t held a banked track roller derby game in something like 40 years. When professional roller derby was at its peak back in the day, banked track leagues ruled the sport, although today, there are only a handful in existence as flat track leagues overwhelmingly dominate the derby landscape.
Tonight, that all changes for Kansas City.
The Kansas City Banked Beauties hold their first game tonight at the KC Sports Lodge in Independence, Missouri, and they’re taking on the Oklahoma City Outlaws for banked track supremacy.
Get your tickets from Brown Paper Tickets by clicking the Banked Beauties logo above, and come out to the KC Sports Lodge tonight for what is sure to be a memorable return to our roller derby roots. Doors open at 6:00 — get there as early as you can!
Archie Lee
Bonita Bandita
Brain Czar Us
Bubonic Peg
Dirty Herri (formerly Hells Heroine)
Diva de los Muertos
Dolly Darton
Flying Monkey
Lucha Lethal
* * *
Notice some holes in the lineup? You’re not the only one. I had to confirm with Bubonic Peg that I hadn’t just missed something. I knew Case Closed and Bruz-Her had re-entered this year’s draft, but I was not aware of the players the Dorothys were losing to retirement. Still, watch for new captain Barbrarian to take a much larger role on the track this year alongside veterans Archie Lee and Sara Pain, and from the looks of it, 2012 will give some players who weren’t as high-profile in the past a chance to step up and show what they’re made of. On that front, I’d keep an eye on Diva de los Muertos, Flying Monkey, and Lucha Lethal in particular.
Transfers
Gypsy Roller (transfer from the Harbor City Roller Dames)
* * *
It’s really anyone’s guess at this point what Gypsy Roller brings to the table for the coming season. The Harbor City Roller Dames were only accepted into the WFTDA‘s Apprentice Program in October, so it may be that the Dorothys’ latest transfer is still cutting her teeth. That’s pure speculation, though, and we may well find out differently as the season approaches.
Rookies
Buffy Slammers
Chelsea (derby name as yet unknown)
Ram Ram
RecycleHer
Sk8l Attraction
Sneaky Pete
* * *
The 2012 Dreadnought Dorothys have far more rookies this year than any other team in KCRW, and that paired with the extensive list of retirees below probably signals a period of relative rebuilding for the Ruby Reds. I did say relative; you can expect the Dorothys to continue a lot of the same hard-hitting, high-scoring game play they’ve become known for, but it’s clear they’ve been taken down a notch. The Rink of Fire Championship is no longer a foregone conclusion. While it’s safe to acknowledge that these rookies must have impressed to have been drafted to the Dorothys, they may have a thing or two to prove before they can fill the skates of some of the ladies who have retired or transferred.
Retiring:
Bamboozler
Eclipse
Hall Balls
Ira Gash
Scratch N Tiff
Thunderstruck
Toto Basketcase
* * *
I am still in shock at the news that both Eclipse and Hall Balls have called it a career. The great Number Zero was consistently the best blocker I’d seen in my travels, and Balls one of the most dominant jammers I’d ever had the pleasure of watching trackside. This is going to have significant implications for the Wolfpack on the national front, and although I’m confident that KCRW‘s roster will step up accordingly, no one in St. Louis wanted to see Pujols pack it up for L.A., if you see what I mean. These two incomparable stars will be sorely missed by the Dorothys, the All-Stars, and fans alike.
I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention the retirement of Kelley Young, formerly known as Snot Rocket, from the Wolfpack as well. I don’t know what the biggest shock of all was, but this one was right up there. Kelley Young was our ace; she was practically unstoppable in Denver this season, and the fact that she came out of retirement having disowned her former moniker tells the story of a reputation of blazing speed, skill, and grace that even she didn’t want to deal with (you can only imagine how her opponents must have felt). Even though she hadn’t actually been a Dorothy for quite some time, there will never be another Kelley Young, in Kansas City or anywhere else.
Bomb Pop
Bypolar
Cupcake Smasher
Hail Mary
Hypersmacktivity
Ida Know Squat
Jess Decker
Murphy’s Law
PDQ
Stabbie Enyabach
Sy Kadelik Tripper
Toxic Assets
* * *
There is good news this coming season for a Knockouts team that needed some good damn news. In addition to making the most noticeable strides in all of KCRW in 2011, they retain veteran stars like captain Shady O’Dread, star jammers Bomb Pop and Hypersmacktivity, and a good handful of Plan B standouts, including PDQ, Murphy’s Law, and Toxic Assets. You can expect the Knockouts to rely heavily on the lessons learned from last season to help put up a fight against the much-improved Black Eye Susans and Victory Vixens in 2012. Bottom line, when the new season begins, this team will be the most prominent reminder that it isn’t 2011 anymore.
Transfers:
Bruz-her (transfer from the Dreadnought Dorothys)
Mary Lou Wretched (transfer from Springfield)
* * *
This is probably the biggest news in all of KCRW — the transfer of the legendary Bruz-Her from the iron-clad Dreadnought Dorothys to a Knockouts team that’s won one damn game in two years; there’s really no way to sugar-coat that. This is huge. No, she won’t be the only skater out there, but she will make an immediate difference in the KO’s defensive strategy, what with the boatload of experience and “spark” she brings with her game — not that the Knockouts lacked spark, mind you.
The arrival of Mary Lou Wretched from Springfield will certainly add an extra dimension of experience and additional jamming firepower to a team that, truth be told, was already in position to be an offensive nightmare in 2012. She also brings with her one of the best derby names in the league, if you’re sports-savvy enough to understand the reference.
Rookies
Baby Buster
Victoria Seekhit
* * *
Once again, we welcome the new recruits while recognizing that a very small list of rookies usually indicates minimal need for rebuilding. And that speaks well for the team, given some of the remarkable ladies who retired at the end of the 2011 season. If you’ve been reading at all, you must know by now to expect great things from the Knockouts next season, and we look forward to getting to know Baby Buster and Victoria Seekhit as they earn their stripes on the track.
Retiring:
Billie Club
Delia Death
Dominant Jean
Mini Mean
Speed Razor
The Latin Assassin
* * *
What can you really say about the inimitable Dominant Jean, one of only two remaining founding members of the Kansas City Roller Warriors, and certainly one of the greatest Knockouts to date? “We’ll miss you.” That’s what.
In addition, Billie Club was always one of the most colorful skaters on the track, and Delia Death‘s retirement leaves behind no small void to be filled, whether on the track or in our hearts. As always, best wishes to all of this year’s retirees.
Annie Maul (returning from All Star only status)
Assaulty Olive
Bad Omen
Black Ice
Cold Gin
Graphic Violence
Lolli Crusher
Loose Seal
Red Ripper
Ruth Canal
Shirley Gonnahitya
Scatkat
Track Rat
* * *
First and foremost, I’ve heard absolutely nothing on the status of Track Rat‘s knee, which took something of a beating last month in Denver, but I am thrilled to see her on the roster for 2012. Nuff said about that. I don’t want to imagine a track without the rat.
The incomparable Evolution takes over as co-captain for 2012, and as you’ll see later today, from a national perspective, it was vital that we keep this defensive terror on eight wheels where she belongs. Now if she can just keep her evolving ass out of the box, we’ll be in good shape.
I was, of course, happy to see personal favorites Black Ice, Red Ripper, and Ruth Canal back in the lineup for 2012; a promising tweet from Ruth the other day leads me to believe her knee is back in shape, and I certainly hope that’s the case, because we have definitely missed seeing her out there. I expect Black Ice in particular to see more action this coming season, as her skills as a jammer become even more formidable as time goes on.
Also? Really happy to have Annie Maul back.
Transfers:
Casey Masterpiece (formerly Case Closed, transfer from the Dreadnought Dorothys)
Ivanna Bereave (transfer from Topeka)
* * *
Can I tell you how thrilled I am to see 2011’s Case Closed become 2012’s Casey Masterpieceand a Vixen to top it off! Thrilled. The Vixens add this versatile jammer to their already intimidating lineup, and most exciting of all, the 2012 Rink of Fire Championship is definitely up for grabs now (more about the Dorothy’s many changes a bit later). This new Vixens team stands the best chance yet of dropping the house on the wicked witches who have hogged the house cup six years in a row. It’s going to be a very interesting season.
Casey Masterpiece contacted KC Derby Digest this morning to offer a bit of insight behind the team change:
“My motivations for wanting to be re-entered in the draft was just to try something new. I love the Dorothys and my heart will always be ruby red. The decision to switch had nothing to do with them and I did not leave the Dorothys because of any ill will. In other WFTDA leagues, people switch teams all the time. At KCRW, we develop such a tight bond with the identity of our home teams that it is never considered. … You become closest with the members of your home teams and it’s nice to experience that with more girls, and also I think it’s a great thing for the league and fans to experience such a change.”
— Casey Masterpiece via e-mail
Rookies:
Maus Trap (rookie)
* * *
I’ve already read a few things on Facebook that have made me curious about the famous Maus Trap, but we will shelve all speculation until the season begins. One rookie on a roster like this also makes me very hopeful for the coming season.
I was sorry to see the awesomely-named Missile Toes leaving the roster, particularly after seeing her in Des Moines last summer against their Derby Dames. Headless Highness and Lunatic Fringe, in particular, were Vixen mainstays as well. Best wishes to all of this year’s retirees.
Captain: Damsel of D’Tension Co-Captain: Yvette Yerass
Ami Geddon (returning from retirement)
Blonde Force Trauma (formerly A Cute Attack)
Enigma
Extremely Frank
Jade Lightning
Jamalamadingdong
Kay C. Shuffle
Mash Hun
Matron Malice
Miss Ann Vinegar
Sassy B.
Tuff Noogies
* * *
Ami Geddon, though I barely knew ye, I have to say it will be good to have you back, if nothing else, for the chance to get to know you better. As you may know, I came into the roller derby fray relatively recently (2009), and I understand Ami was something of a mainstay with the Susans, so again, good to have her back.
Of course, I immediately scanned the roster for my two personal favorites, Extremely Frank and Kay C. Shuffle, and having seen their names still in print, we can move on, more at ease for the time being. :)
Jade Lightning, thankfully, returns for 2012 as the Susans’ star jammer (heh get it?), as well as veterans Enigma, Mash Hun, and Tuff Noogies, among others. Those ladies alone are enough to make you feel good about 2012.
Transfers:
Roxy Rotsalot (transfer from Red River, where she was a founding member)
Trauma (yes, that Trauma; transfer from Cincinnati)
* * *
Well isn’t this exciting — the amazing Trauma putting on the black and yellow for the 2012 season after shaking it Denver to the detriment of everyone she came up against. I was immediately impressed with this double threat, and I’m looking forward to meeting Roxy Rotsalot who, as a founding member of Red River, can’t exactly be a lightweight in the sport herself.
Rookies:
L Chupacabra
Warden Smitty
* * *
It has been said with some measure of wisdom — although it may not apply in every case — that you can determine a team’s mettle by how many rookies are on the roster. The more new faces, the more likely it is that the team is in a state of “rebuilding,” so to speak. And even though the Black Eye Susans have lost a handful of ladies to retirement (see below), a grand total of two rookies on the roster doesn’t exactly scream “panic” in terms of the upcoming season. And that’s good to know — with some of the obvious improvements the Knockouts have made for 2012, the Susans are going to need to rely on their experience, first and foremost, to maintain that competitive edge.
Apparently Retiring:
Dutch Shovin’
Penn Tupanga
Pixie Smash
Strawberry Cutthroat
Thorpedo
Whip R. Snapper
* * *
Bubonic Peg stressed to me that anyone not listed on this year’s roster had retired; there are no All-Star-only players in 2012. On the Susans’ end of it, I don’t remember seeing Strawberry Cutthroat after about the second game this year, so although I was sorry to hear it, her retirement didn’t take me by surprise. I think I’m most disappointed to lose Thorpedo; she showed an awful lot of promise this past season as a jammer, and the fact that 2011 was her rookie season makes her retirement even more poignant. Not knowing anything about it, I can only hope her decision to leave the sport so early wasn’t due to any injury or personal catastrophe.
Pixie Smash hasn’t been lost to the world of Kansas City roller derby — you can see her skating with Dead Girl Derby in 2012 as a member of the Shotgun Sheilas, and I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to seeing her skate in Riverside.
Many thanks to our friend Bubonic Peg of the Kansas City Roller Warriors for taking the time to answer our e-mail inquiries regarding next season’s home rosters. It had been brought to our attention that many ch-ch-ch-changes were on the way in 2012, and keeping in mind the many retirement rumors making the rounds online these past few weeks, we here at KCDD thought it prudent to investigate this developing story at our earliest opportunity.
In related news, the structural formula for Xanax is publicly available online courtesy of our friends at Pfizer, Inc. right here.
So here’s what let’s do.
Instead of one enormous, mind-numbing entry detailing the team rosters, transfers, rookies, and retirees, we’re going to split them up into four separate entries to be posted individually as the day goes on. Stay tuned to KC Derby Digest as we bring you our take on how these teams will likely stack up in the upcoming season, as well as a look at how all these changes might affect our standings from a national perspective.
See you soon. :)
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