Category Archives: House games

Dead Girl Derby Championships – Speeder of the Pack

We are loath to admit it, but the 2013 Dead Girl Derby season is quickly coming to a close, and this Saturday night, the four teams will take the track once more at Kemper Arena to decide who takes home the coveted Dead Girl Derby championship.

Click to see the Facebook event page.

First on the agenda is the third-place game featuring the Deadly Sirens vs. the Lovely Lethals. Let’s begin by telling you what’s most interesting about the way this season has gone for these two teams:

The Deadly Sirens have only won one game this season, and that was against the Lovely Lethals.

The Lovely Lethals have only won one game this season, and that was against the Deadly Sirens.

Both are quality teams whose win-loss records simply don’t reflect the talent on the track; of that, there is no doubt. Here you’ve got two teams with stacked rosters who just haven’t quite been able to make things click in 2013. They caught some bad breaks at bad times, and penalties vs. points scored is almost certainly a thing. Combined, these two teams account for about 49% of the total penalties in the league this season, and that seems right on par. Unfortunately, they’re only responsible for about 33% of the total points scored, and you can bet that that divide has been a source of major irritation for two teams that, historically, have been very, very effective on the track overall.

Having said that, you can expect a very close, very defensive third-place game Saturday night from these well-matched teams, and we’re predicting a Lovely Lethals win by about a dozen points or so.

Then… I hope you’re ready. Because the championship game between the Shotgun Sheilas and the Royal Pains is going to be one you don’t want to miss and might never forget. But let’s begin by talking about the most interesting thing about the 2013 season where these two incredible teams are concerned:

The Shotgun Sheilas have only lost one game this season, and that was to the Royal Pains.

The Royal Pains have only lost one game this season, and that was to the Shotgun Sheilas.

Yeah, it’s like that.

The Sheilas are coming into this game as defending Dead Girl Derby champions. They went undefeated for about two calendar years, and in fact, before the Pains took them down at Heroes vs. Villains back in July, the Sheilas hadn’t lost a game since the team was named the Fearleaders. They head into Speeder of the Pack leading the league in scoring with an impressive 397-point total. They have the second-highest scoring jammer in the league (the always-astounding Hittie Kittie), a rock-solid defense, and some of the most intense and fiercely competitive coaching we’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing trackside.

But only when they’re not out saving the world.

The Royal Pains are quite another story. This is a team that has roared back from some monumental obstacles to become one of the greatest success stories this young league has seen thus far. They landed squarely in last place in 2011, losing the third place game to a Fearleaders team that many feared (heh) wouldn’t win a game all season before they got their poop in a group. The Pains then went 0-6 in the regular season for 2012 before pulling third place out of their asses against a Deadly Sirens team nobody expected them to beat at the Zombie Apocalypse.

Did you catch that? They won no home games last year in the regular season. They managed a win against an upstart team on the road in St. Joseph, but that was all they got. They went into the third place game with only twelve skaters not out on medical leave and grabbed third place out of nowhere. One measly year later, they’ve got the highest and third-highest scoring jammers in the league (10acious V and Ami Geddon, respectively), they’ve lost exactly one game all season, and they’re poised to take the Dead Girl Derby championship this weekend for the first time ever.

In fact, that’s how we’re expecting it to go: we’re predicting a Royal Pains win by no more than 15 points, a frankly shocking turnaround for this loveable team of Bad News Bears that refused the lemons life handed them and instead resolved to make their own brand of delicious, ass-whoopin’ flat track lemonade infused with vodka and glitter crafted from the blood of their enemies. I honestly don’t even know what that means. But it’s bound to be good, and you can make mine a double.

Speeder of the Pack will be held this Saturday night at Kemper Arena, 1800 Genessee Street in Kansas City. Tickets are $15 for adults, $6 for kids ages 6-12, and $0 for kids 5 and under. Doors open at 4:30 p.m. and the games begin at 5:00. Don’t miss your chance to witness Dead Girl Derby history in the making and catch these talented ladies for the last time this year as they end their incredible 2013 season on what’s sure to be a very memorable note. We’ll see you out there.

Game Photos: Rink of Fire 2013

If you’ve been following our annual shenanigans on Facebook this week, you know by now how the 2013 Rink of Fire championship went. The Victory Vixens scored a third-place win over the Dreadnought Dorothys by a score of 197-86, and the Black Eye Susans pulled out a literal last-second win against the slightly-favored Knockouts with a 176-162 final score that, as close as that is in flat track, doesn’t begin to describe the game-ending intensity — nay, insanity — roller derby fans were treated to in the final moments of this amazing season.

The Knockouts‘ jammer was sent to the box in the very first jam and allowed the Susans to jump out in front 24-0. Eleven minutes later, the KOs had roared back and taken the lead 70-28 with about 18 minutes left in the first period. By halftime, the Black & Yellow had pared the Glitter Mafia’s lead down to 30 and was poised to strike not only at the heart of the Knockouts‘ defense, but at the root of all latent cardiovascular maladies lurking silently in the audience, mine included.

Without game footage in front of me, and with only scrambled memories and KC Derby Digest‘s Twitter feed to guide me, I can tell you that as time ticked away in the final period of this championship game, the Knockouts‘ lead gradually dwindled until the final jam of regulation. At that point, the Susans seemed to pull ahead just as the clock ran out.

Did we win???

I’ve never personally experienced such an intense wait at a bout. I was standing at Turn One next to Damsel of D’Tension, who was bench coaching that night, and as officials on the track communicated with NSOs on the sidelines, fans were shocked to discover that the score was dead even at 158.

Fans stood and wondered. Those Susans who had begun celebrating prematurely were gradually silenced. Few people in the auditorium that night had ever seen a WFTDA bout go into overtime, and as such, we were all in for a real treat. It may have had something to do with the fact that no one knew what the hell was going to happen.

As it was explained to us over the PA, one overtime jam is held. There is no lead jammer, so the jam will last the full two excruciating minutes. Whichever team is ahead at the end of the jam will take the game, of course, and repeat overtime jams may be held in the event of another tie. Everyone scooted a little closer to the edges of their seats; the teams lined up, the whistle blew, and the skaters were off.

Moments later, the Knockouts‘ jammer, Bomb Pop, was sent to the box on what I believe was a track-cut penalty [citation needed], which allowed the Susans’ Trauma a golden opportunity to fight her way through the KO’s formidable defense and score points unopposed. By the time Bomb Pop‘s penalty had been served and she had re-entered the game, Trauma was too far ahead to be caught, and there wasn’t nearly enough time for the Ladies in Teal to make up the difference. The Black Eye Susans brought home their first-ever Rink of Fire championship as the audience inside Municipal Auditorium absolutely lost its shit in a way I’ve never seen in the four years I’ve been doing this. It was far and away the best Rink of Fire I’ve ever witnessed.

We have game photos, as always, and this could be one of the most amazing sets we’ve captured all season.

Click to see the full, amazing album.

It was great to see retired Susans out there celebrating with their old team, players like Oucho Marx, Kay C. Shuffle, and Yvette Yerass. It was great to see the supreme sportsmanship on the part of the Knockouts, whose phenomenal 2013 season had brought them this far. And it was great to see the Black Eye Susans hoisting the trophy over their heads after years of struggle, determination, and monumental progress that gradually brought them from the bottom of the heap to the very top.

Many, many thanks to the entire Kansas City Roller Warriors organization for an outstanding season. We simply can’t wait to see you all back on the flat track in 2014.

Seeing Stars

There is no shortage of incredible roller derby action this weekend, and the Blacksnake Rollergirls of St. Joseph are certainly doing their part. Their phenomenal 2013 season continues to simmer with Game 6, Seeing Stars, at the St. Joseph Civic Arena this Saturday night.

Click for full details.

It’s a classic Old Teams/New Teams lineup for the BRG, with the Jesse Janes taking on the 2012 champion Venomous Vixens, followed by the Rushin’ Rollettes facing off against the Danger Dolls in the second game of the evening.

In addition, members of the 501st Legion and The Rebel Legion will be making appearances in full Star Wars regalia, and you can dress as your favorite Star Wars character for a chance to win prizes. Doors open at 5 p.m., and the first game begins promptly at 6 p.m.

If you’ve never had the privilege of seeing the Blacksnake Rollergirls in action, this is the perfect opportunity to see these amazingly talented ladies blow the roof off the St. Joseph Civic Arena. There’s nothing quite like it.

Rink of Fire 2013

Derby fans, this is what it all comes down to. The Kansas City Roller Warriors have rocked Municipal Auditorium all season long, and this Saturday night, the Rink of Fire championship will settle for good and all who holds flat track supremacy in 2013.

The evening begins with the third place game between the Dreadnought Dorothys and the 2012 champion Victory Vixens. The Dorothys have had a rough go of it the last couple of seasons, going winless in both ’12 and ’13 after six straight seasons of taking home the house cup. These two teams faced off last month in what amounted to a preview of this year’s Rink of Fire, and while the Vixens claimed a solid 206-111 win over the Ruby Reds, we couldn’t help but notice how long it’s been since anyone scored 100+ points against the Red White ‘n Blue… who, if you’ll remember, didn’t lose one stinkin’ game in 2012. Granted, a handful of Vixens retired after the ’12 season, and the great Situation, née Evolution, is now skating her heart out in the Hawaiian isles after retiring from the Roller Warriors after last month’s game. So there are factors, to say the least.

Nonetheless, we’re predicting a Vixens win by 70 points or better, but expect the Dorothys to show up in full force, never giving an inch and taking every mile they can get their hands on.


Then, in game two… you shall bear witness to what may well be the most important bout in all of Kansas City roller derby for the 2013 season. The Knockouts and the Black Eye Susans, neither of whom have ever taken home a Rink of Fire championship in the nine-year history of the Kansas City Roller Warriors, will take the track in what is absolutely guaranteed to be the most intense championship bout this phenomenal league has ever brought us. Last month’s game between these two titans saw the Knockouts‘ 53-point halftime lead dwindle to six late in the fourth period. The whole ball game was decided in the final jam when the Black Eye Susans jammer was sent to the box on an unfortunate (and perhaps controversial) penalty that allowed the Knockouts a power jam and resulted in a 164-146 final.

Eighteen points, people. That is nothing in WFTDA flat track. To further muddy the waters, the Susans were skating without mainstays Damsel of D’Tension and Extremely Frank last month as well, both of whom will be back and ready to roll this Saturday night. In other words, last month’s game told us absolutely nothing, and this next one is almost impossible to call.

Having said that, we’re predicting a Knockouts win by a margin of THE VERY LAST JAM. These two teams are so well-matched, the whole thing is going to wind up being a white-knuckled nailbiter pretty much from start to finish. There really is no sufficient hyperbole here.

You Bruz, you lose.

Doors open at Municipal Auditorium at 5:00 Saturday evening, and the first whistle is promptly at 6:00. Get there early. This, above all others, is the bout night you do not want to miss. These Roller Warriors have been through a lot in 2013; all four teams have made significant strides on the track this season, and the Rink of Fire is what it all comes down to. Show your support for this league of extraordinary women and cheer your favorite team(s) on to victory this Saturday night! We will definitely, definitely see you there!

Game Photos: Full Metal Jammer

This weekend’s Full Metal Jammer event in St. Joseph served as yet another reminder of why we love our Blacksnake Rollergirls.

Hopefully, our photo set from this weekend’s games will serve as a reminder to you that you should seriously consider getting your arses up to St. Joe, if you haven’t already, to check out this phenomenal league.

Click for the full photo album.

Congratulations to the Danger Dolls and the Rushin’ Rollettes for picking up the wins this weekend, and we will see you again on June 15th!

Game Photos: KCRW Game 2

We finally have game photos from last weekend’s Kansas City Roller Warriors Game 2 featuring the Black Eye Susans’ win over the Victory Vixens and the Knockouts‘ handy victory over the Dreadnought Dorothys. Photos contained herein:

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Click for the full photo album.

The wins for these two extraordinary teams ensure a definite trip to the Rink of Fire championship bout and will bring us a first-time winner regardless of who comes out on top. It promises to be a very tight, competitive bout, given how tough these Susans and KOs have looked so far this season; we’ll know a bit more after the June bout, since they play each other once before the ROF, but we’re predicting a Knockouts win by a slimmer margin than anyone probably expects. Stay tuned, however — flat track roller derby in Kansas City is never very predictable when you’re dealing with talent of this caliber. We’ll be holding our breath with you to see who brings home the trophy.