Category Archives: House games

Fountain City, House games, News, Opinion

The 2023 Fountain City Roller Derby House Championship Preview

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This Saturday night… we may see something we’ve never seen before.

First, some stats.

Current Standings

Deadly Sirens 3-0
Shotgun Sheilas 2-1
Lovely Lethals 1-2
Royal Pains 0-3

We’ve seen the numbers fall just perfectly like this a few times in the past, but never have we seen these numbers with the Deadly Sirens on top.

And you know what? They’re probably going to stay that way—but we won’t know until this Saturday night when the Sirens take on the Shotgun Sheilas, who are making their tenth consecutive championship appearance.

Yes, tenth—something that is unprecedented and unmatched in the annals of Kansas City roller derby. No other team, in this league or any other in this town, has made 10 consecutive championship appearances. That’s something that can’t be taken away no matter who wins this weekend.

By the Numbers

Deadly Sirens, 3-0
Points scored: 223
Points allowed: 126
Point differential: +97

Shotgun Sheilas, 2-1
Points scored: 208
Points allowed: 162
Point differential: +46

Lovely Lethals, 1-2
Points scored: 164
Points allowed: 224
Point differential: -60

Royal Pains, 0-3
Points scored: 140
Points allowed: 223
Point differential: -83

This would seem to be a run-of-the-mill championship bout: The two teams with the best records and the best point differentials are facing off for the trophy, and the best team will win. Right?

We tend to follow the numbers, but to be fair, that’s led to predictive disaster a fair number of times in the past, like when the Lovely Lethals upset the Sheilas in 2016, the Susans upset the Dorothys in 2017, and the Vixens threw everyone for a loop in 2019 when they took down the Knockouts in the upset of the century.

On one hand, the Sirens soundly defeated the Sheilas in their only match-up earlier this year, final score 58-35. On the other, if we know anything about the Shotgun Sheilas and their history, we know you’d be a fool to count them out completely. So we don’t.

But.

Truthfully, this is just the Sirens’ year. It’s going to happen. We’re predicting a Deadly Sirens win by a margin of 12 points—and that, my fellow derby fans, will complete the set. The Sirens will bring home their first-ever Fountain City Roller Derby house championship and bring a welcome end to one of the most bewildering dry spells in Kansas City roller derby history.

No one seems to know why a Sirens squad that’s traditionally been packed with talent can never seem to notch enough wins to make the magic happen, but this year, they finally have everything going for them—and we couldn’t be more thrilled. The only thing left is to do it. It’s going to be one hell of a championship game.

So join us trackside this Saturday night for the final house game of the season. The Royal Pains and Lovely Lethals will kick the night off with the annual grudge match, and then it’s go time: The Sirens and the Sheilas face off for all the marbles. As always, we can’t wait to see how this one shakes out, and we wish all of these teams nothing but the best of luck as they show us all, once again, what they’re made of.


Fountain City, General derby, House games, Opinion

Is 2023 the Year of the Siren?

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First, let’s get some stats out of the way.

Current Standings

Deadly Sirens 2-0
Shotgun Sheilas 1-1
Lovely Lethals 1-1
Royal Pains 0-2

There’s a lot going on here. You don’t need very many fingers to count the number of times the Deadly Sirens have started the season at 2-0. It’s even less common that they’ve sat atop the league alone.

The Sirens, talented as they’ve always been, have not had much luck in the win-loss column through most of the 20-teens, and not to beat a dead horse, but they remain, to this day, the only Fountain City Roller Derby team to have never taken home the house championship.

Let me tell you—this could be the year that changes. Let’s take a look at a bit of history.

The Sirens Throughout the Years

In 2011, the first year for the current house teams, the Deadly Sirens spent most of the season looking like the team to beat. They handily defeated everyone in their path for the first four games of the season and began the year at 4-0.

Then, they lost their top-scoring jammer, a phenom named Helen Killer who was averaging over 35 points a game when she vanished. And that is exactly what happened—as far as the public could tell, Ms. Killer disappeared into thin air and was never seen again.

Since then, we’ve heard several versions of what happened and why she left the league, but none of that is important. People leave roller derby for a variety of personal and professional reasons all the time. All things being equal, one reason is as valid as another.

But her absence was certainly felt—that year and in years to come. Remember the part about how she was averaging over 35 points a game? The Sirens only lost that year’s championship game to the Lethals by 14 points, which tells you everything you need to know about what an asset she was. No team is one player, of course, but high-octane jammers like Helen Killer can and do make an immediate difference, both with their presence and their absence. The Sirens losing the championship game that year was the last thing anyone expected just a few weeks prior.

The Sirens persevered.

In the years that followed, the Sirens struggled. As the league moved from River Roll to Hale Arena to B&D Skate Center, the Ladies in Teal seemed to find themselves at the bottom of the heap more often than not, once even forfeiting the final period of a game in accordance with MADE’s mercy rule. For several years in a row, they were only able to notch one or maybe two wins per season (at most) and still usually lost the annual grudge match to whatever team happened to be in the cellar with them at the time. In all, it was a rough time to be a Sirens fan.

Things really started to turn around for the Sirens in 2018 when they fought their way back to Fountain City’s championship game for the first time in seven years. And although they dropped that game (and the trophy) to the Sheilas, they turned around and made a repeat appearance the following year, once again losing out to the Sheilas but putting the derby community on notice that they were not to be trifled with.

COVID hit, the world ended, and we lost the 2020 and 2021 seasons. Somehow, though, the Deadly Sirens barely missed a beat. They missed the championship game in 2022, but now, just one year later, they find themselves halfway through the new season and sitting as comfortably on top as they can with the other half still in front of them.

A Look Ahead

Thus far, the Sirens have outscored their opponents 132-76 overall and even held the terrifying Shotgun Sheilas to only 35 points in last month’s game. (Helen Killer used to score that many points by herself.)

It’s a bit early to start making predictions, but it’s not at all unreasonable to say that the Deadly Sirens have a very, very good chance of making Fountain City Roller Derby history at this year’s championship game. There seems to be little doubt they’ll go to the big dance, given their performance thus far, but I’d go so far as to say they’re in a good position to make 2023 the Year of the Siren and bring home their first house championship in league history.

All we can do is watch. And cheer. And cross our fingers. Whoever your favorite team(s) may be, join us trackside for Fountain City’s next nailbiting event on March 25 as the Sirens take on the only team they haven’t faced this season, the Lovely Lethals.

Between that and the game between the Royal Pains and the Shotgun Sheilas, we’re all in for quite a night of flat track action at Olahrama (formerly B&D Skate Center). Check out the event page on Facebook for all the information, and start placing your bets, because the next event on April 29 will be the championship game.

Will the Deadly Sirens be there? We say yes.

Will they take home the trophy? We don’t know… but at this point, a “no” doesn’t seem like a very safe bet.

General derby, House games, KCRW, News, Opinion

The Kansas City Roller Warriors Mini Home Team Season

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This Sunday night at Skate City West, the Kansas City Roller Warriors are finally back to a regular schedule in what they’re calling their Mini Home Team Season.

And as D’Nouncer Duane put it on draft night, “It is the dawn of a new era.” Because, my fellow derby fans and enthusiasts, you are witnessing just that.

If you haven’t heard the news, the Kansas City Roller Warriors are making history by not only redrafting all the teams but also creating new house teams altogether.

You read that right. Our hometown teams, the Dreadnought Dorothys, the Victory Vixens, the Black Eye Susans, and the Knockouts have seen their last games. That could be the biggest news in the history of the league, apart from when the teams were first formed to begin with. As you’ve probably guessed, we’re not sure how to feel about it, but first, let’s take a look at what’s ahead.

The 2023 Season

When the pandemic hit, the first things to shut down were sports and recreation leagues. No one knew what to expect; some even speculated we’d be back in action in only a few weeks. That… isn’t quite what happened, and in the meantime, a lot of people put a lot of thought into what’s important and what they wanted to do moving forward.

As you may remember, the 2019-20 season promised big things—chief among them more than a half-dozen returning veterans from years past that old school fans like myself could only dream of seeing on the flat track again.

We even saw Annie Maul in black and yellow.

But the pandemic changed a lot of things. Some players who may have been on the fence about continuing to skate perhaps saw an opportunity for a clean break. Others decided to mix it up a little more and joined Fountain City Roller Derby since that league began playing quite a bit earlier than KCRW did. Any way you cut it, the Roller Warriors found themselves with far fewer available players than before the world ended, which explains not only the delay in restarting house team competition but also the decision to rebrand with three new house teams.

The Teams

Our new Kansas City Roller Warriors house teams are named after well-known Kansas City locales, and they are the Strawberry Hellions, the 18th & Vines, and the Midtown Misfits.

We couldn’t be more thrilled with the thought and creative design that went into these new teams, their names, and their mascots. Big picture, the whole thing frankly couldn’t be more perfect. When Dead Girl Derby changed its name to Fountain City Roller Derby at the end of the 2014 season, they did so to better tie the league to its beloved hometown. It was a brilliant move.

And although saying goodbye to the four house teams we’ve loved and cheered on for more than a decade isn’t easy, we’re equally excited about how these new house team names will reflect where they’re from and represent Kansas City at least as well as their predecessors did.

Some Final Thoughts

The Glitter Mafia will live on in our hearts. “Black Eye or Die” will forever be a trackside battle cry in Kansas City. The Vixens made us love the red, white, and blue in a way we never thought possible. The Dorothys’ six-year championship streak may never be duplicated.

The memories we’ve shared with this league since we discovered it in late 2009 are practically endless. We watched in awe every season as the Dreadnought Dorothys steamrolled team after team, taking home trophy after trophy, seemingly impervious to the skill and tenacity of the teams with whom they shared the track.

We celebrated with the Victory Vixens in 2012 as they became the first non-Dorothys Rink of Fire champions in league history.

We held our breath as the Black Eye Susans captured their first Rink of Fire title the following year in one hell of a nailbiter that featured the very first overtime jam we’d ever seen.

And the Knockouts completed the set as they won their first Rink of Fire championship the year after that, something that would’ve been practically unthinkable just a few short seasons earlier.

We mourned alongside our Roller Warrior friends in 2016 at the untimely passing of the legendary Coach Ice, who (among many other things) helped lead our All Star team to the national title in 2007.

We cheered again for the red, white, and blue in 2015 and 2016 as the Vixens became the first team since the Dorothys to win back-to-back championships.

In 2017, the 3-3 Susans defeated the 6-0 Dorothys in one of the most shocking upsets in Rink of Fire history up to that point.

Not to be outdone, the 2019 Vixens topped even that as they entered the Rink of Fire with a dismal 2-4 record and soundly defeated the 6-0 Knockouts in an outcome no one could have seen coming, no matter what they tell you.

For all the years, all the cheers, all the tears, and everything else we shared with these four house teams: Thank you.

Thank you for the endless talent, dedication, patience, and commitment it took to keep this incredible labor of love afloat all these years, and thank you, as always, for the opportunity you’ve afforded us to join you in promoting and enjoying the Greatest Sport in the World… in the greatest city in the world for it.

We will miss the Ruby Reds, the stars and stripes, the Ladies in Teal, and the Black & Yellow, certainly—but we also look forward to a future in which a new generation of Roller Warriors action takes the track and makes new memories for a new generation of roller derby fans… right alongside the old ones.

Onward and upward, Roller Warriors. We can’t wait to see what you’ve got for us next.

Welcome back.

Fountain City, House games

Preview: Fountain City’s 2022 House Championships

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In a year that can’t seem to make up its mind—and a return to derby that seems to be happening in fits and starts all over—don’t try to tell Fountain City Roller Derby that things aren’t going strong, because this Saturday night, the four house teams take the track for the last time this season to show us all what they’re made of.

Click for the Facebook event page.

Here’s how the season has shaken out up to this point:

  • Shotgun Sheilas: 3-0
  • Lovely Lethals: 2-1
  • Deadly Sirens: 1-2
  • Royal Pains: 0-3

Statistically, things don’t always line up quite so nicely. You know this game—there’s no telling how many times we’ve had to sit and pore over the numbers to find out what teams were even going to the championship bout, let alone who might win.

Championship Bout:
Shotgun Sheilas vs. Lovely Lethals

This year, like others, there are some constants and there are some surprises. The Shotgun Sheilas have gone undefeated for the umpteenth time; their appearance in the big game this weekend comes as no surprise to anyone who’s been watching since about 2012. They’re back-to-back defending champs, meaning they took home the trophy in 2018 and 2019; it hasn’t been awarded since all things COVID descended and took our beloved sport with it in early 2020, leaving us champ-less in ’20 and ’21.

We know how you feel, buddy.

The Lovely Lethals make their first championship appearance since they took home all the marbles in 2016, and they’re looking for an upset against a Sheilas squad that hasn’t lost a game since late ’17 and spent ’22 outscoring their opponents 187-79, a point differential of +108.

By contrast, the Lethals go into the championship game with a winning record but a negative point differential (-10), having been outscored by their opponents 122-132 on the season.

In fact, the Sheilas are the only team in the league to have outscored their opponents overall, and for all these reasons and more, we’re predicting a Shotgun Sheilas win by about 15 points.

As always, we expect a significant measure of statistical analysis to go out the window, given the nature of championship bouts, not to mention the fact that the Sheilas’ 36-20 win over the Lethals in Game 2 was their lowest-scoring game of the entire season. No other team held the Sheilas to anywhere near 36 points this year, so you can expect a fight from the Ladies in Pink as the women’s division wraps up another phenomenal season.

Grudge Match:
Deadly Sirens vs. Royal Pains

Let’s just be honest. The 2022 season hasn’t gone the way either of these two teams had hoped. The Royal Pains haven’t gone winless in quite a few years, and the Deadly Sirens have made some significant strides of late, even challenging the Sheilas for the trophy two years in a row. Although their championship efforts came up short (and COVID threw a wrench into absolutely everything), nobody really expected both the Pains and the Sirens to be at the bottom of the heap come June.

But here we are—two talented teams with stacked rosters slugging it out in the annual grudge match purely for bragging rights. Statistically, the Sirens have the edge, not only with a 1-2 record but also with a less-bad point differential of -45 to the Pains’ -52. Given the numbers, we expect the Sirens will probably pull this one out, but time will tell, and we’ve certainly been wrong before. These two teams boast very similar points scored/points allowed stats, so this year’s grudge match should be pretty even as well, which is what fans really want to see anyway.

Doors open at B&D Skate Center in Independence at 6:00 p.m., and the first whistle is promptly at 6:30.

Adult tickets are $15 at the door, and don’t forget that everyone 17 and under is admitted free with a parent or legal guardian.

Arrive early and get a good seat as these four explosive teams blow the roof off the joint in another spectacular season-ending flat-track showdown. Who’s your pick to take home the trophy? Will the Shotgun Sheilas make it a three-peat, or will the Lovely Lethals pull off the ultimate upset?

There’s only one way to find out. We’ll see you at B&D at 6:00 Saturday night!

Fountain City, General derby, House games

Fountain City — Game 3

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This Saturday night at B&D Skate Center, Fountain City Roller Derby takes the track for Game 3 of its already phenomenal 2022 season.

Click for the Facebook event page

The Lovely Lethals and Deadly Sirens kick off the evening’s action, followed by the Shotgun Sheilas and the Royal Pains in the finale.

Doors open at B&D at 6:00 p.m., and the first whistle blows at 6:30 sharp. Adults 18 and over are $15 each, and everyone 17 and under accompanied by a parent or guardian is admitted free of charge.

Join us trackside as Fountain City blows the roof off the place again in another action-packed night of flat-track fun!

Fountain City, House games, News

The Fountain City Roller Derby 2022 Season

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Click to see the Facebook event page

This weekend, Kansas City roller derby fans, is what we’ve all been waiting for — the return of roller derby after a long, long delay.

Saturday night, February 26, Fountain City Roller Derby kicks off the 2022 season with their first scheduled bout in more than two years. As always, B&D Skate Center is the place. Doors open at 6:00 p.m., and the first whistle is promptly at 6:30.

Ushering in the return to the flat track are two match-ups featuring perennial, old-school rivals from way back in the day when the league was still called Dead Girl Derby.

To begin, multi-year FCRD champions the Shotgun Sheilas face off against the Deadly Sirens in a rematch of the 2019 championship bout that saw the Sheilas add another trophy to their collection. The Sirens will no doubt be back hungrier than ever, as they remain the only team in Fountain City to have never taken home the championship.

Later, the Royal Pains and the Lovely Lethals square off in their season opener to add another chapter to a very long history of epic battles between these two indomitable squads. The league simply couldn’t have chosen a better way to bring us back to the sport of roller derby than this weekend’s event.

Masks are mandatory at B&D this Saturday night. Admission for adults 18 and over is $15 each, and anyone 17 and under enters free when accompanied by an adult guardian.

As always, KC Derby Digest will be there covering all the action. You can follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Smugmug, our official photo album.

We simply can’t wait to see you all trackside as Fountain City kicks off the 2022 season!