Category Archives: General derby

Speeder of the Pack photos

Dead Girl Derby‘s championship, Speeder of the Pack, was everything we expected it to be as The Royal Pains brought home the 2013 championship trophy. In an amazing twist, the Deadly Sirens took down the Lovely Lethals 38-21 in a consolation game no one could have predicted, except perhaps those amazing Sirens themselves.

As always, we’ve got photos from Speeder of the Pack you won’t want to miss.

Click for the full album.

Congratulations to all our incredible Dead Girls for an outstanding 2013 season. We can’t wait to see you back on the track in 2014.

Dead Girl Derby Championships – Speeder of the Pack

We are loath to admit it, but the 2013 Dead Girl Derby season is quickly coming to a close, and this Saturday night, the four teams will take the track once more at Kemper Arena to decide who takes home the coveted Dead Girl Derby championship.

Click to see the Facebook event page.

First on the agenda is the third-place game featuring the Deadly Sirens vs. the Lovely Lethals. Let’s begin by telling you what’s most interesting about the way this season has gone for these two teams:

The Deadly Sirens have only won one game this season, and that was against the Lovely Lethals.

The Lovely Lethals have only won one game this season, and that was against the Deadly Sirens.

Both are quality teams whose win-loss records simply don’t reflect the talent on the track; of that, there is no doubt. Here you’ve got two teams with stacked rosters who just haven’t quite been able to make things click in 2013. They caught some bad breaks at bad times, and penalties vs. points scored is almost certainly a thing. Combined, these two teams account for about 49% of the total penalties in the league this season, and that seems right on par. Unfortunately, they’re only responsible for about 33% of the total points scored, and you can bet that that divide has been a source of major irritation for two teams that, historically, have been very, very effective on the track overall.

Having said that, you can expect a very close, very defensive third-place game Saturday night from these well-matched teams, and we’re predicting a Lovely Lethals win by about a dozen points or so.

Then… I hope you’re ready. Because the championship game between the Shotgun Sheilas and the Royal Pains is going to be one you don’t want to miss and might never forget. But let’s begin by talking about the most interesting thing about the 2013 season where these two incredible teams are concerned:

The Shotgun Sheilas have only lost one game this season, and that was to the Royal Pains.

The Royal Pains have only lost one game this season, and that was to the Shotgun Sheilas.

Yeah, it’s like that.

The Sheilas are coming into this game as defending Dead Girl Derby champions. They went undefeated for about two calendar years, and in fact, before the Pains took them down at Heroes vs. Villains back in July, the Sheilas hadn’t lost a game since the team was named the Fearleaders. They head into Speeder of the Pack leading the league in scoring with an impressive 397-point total. They have the second-highest scoring jammer in the league (the always-astounding Hittie Kittie), a rock-solid defense, and some of the most intense and fiercely competitive coaching we’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing trackside.

But only when they’re not out saving the world.

The Royal Pains are quite another story. This is a team that has roared back from some monumental obstacles to become one of the greatest success stories this young league has seen thus far. They landed squarely in last place in 2011, losing the third place game to a Fearleaders team that many feared (heh) wouldn’t win a game all season before they got their poop in a group. The Pains then went 0-6 in the regular season for 2012 before pulling third place out of their asses against a Deadly Sirens team nobody expected them to beat at the Zombie Apocalypse.

Did you catch that? They won no home games last year in the regular season. They managed a win against an upstart team on the road in St. Joseph, but that was all they got. They went into the third place game with only twelve skaters not out on medical leave and grabbed third place out of nowhere. One measly year later, they’ve got the highest and third-highest scoring jammers in the league (10acious V and Ami Geddon, respectively), they’ve lost exactly one game all season, and they’re poised to take the Dead Girl Derby championship this weekend for the first time ever.

In fact, that’s how we’re expecting it to go: we’re predicting a Royal Pains win by no more than 15 points, a frankly shocking turnaround for this loveable team of Bad News Bears that refused the lemons life handed them and instead resolved to make their own brand of delicious, ass-whoopin’ flat track lemonade infused with vodka and glitter crafted from the blood of their enemies. I honestly don’t even know what that means. But it’s bound to be good, and you can make mine a double.

Speeder of the Pack will be held this Saturday night at Kemper Arena, 1800 Genessee Street in Kansas City. Tickets are $15 for adults, $6 for kids ages 6-12, and $0 for kids 5 and under. Doors open at 4:30 p.m. and the games begin at 5:00. Don’t miss your chance to witness Dead Girl Derby history in the making and catch these talented ladies for the last time this year as they end their incredible 2013 season on what’s sure to be a very memorable note. We’ll see you out there.

Derby Weekend

Wherever you are in or near Kansas City this weekend, chances are you’ll be able to find some flat track action nearby. There’s certainly no shortage of amazing derby goodness going on, and as always, it’s our job to tell you all about it.

Click to see the event page on Facebook.
Graphic courtesy of the Cowtown Butchers.

First up, the Cowtown Butchers take the track Saturday night and face off against their MRDA rivals, the Sioux City Kornstalkers. These two ferocious teams are always chomping at the bit to get a piece of each other, and this is your chance to see the latest showdown, as well as your last opportunity to see the Butchers in action in 2013, as Saturday night marks the end of their home season. Join Crimson Cobra and company as they throw down against one of the toughest, most resilient teams in the league and end their successful 2013 season on a high note.

Doors open at 6 p.m., first whistle at 7:00. Tickets are $10 for adults and $5 for kids 12 and under.

Click to see the event page on Facebook.
Graphic courtesy of the Blacksnake Rollergirls.

Also Saturday night, the Blacksnake Rollergirls host their Taking a Beating for Breast Cancer fundraiser! Two Blacksnake mash-up teams will face off in the first contest of the evening, and Game 2 features the Blacksnake Rollergirls All Stars taking on Dead Girl Derby‘s Black Plague!

Doors open at the St. Joseph Civic Arena at 5 p.m. Saturday evening. Adults are $12 and kids are just $5. Exactly 100% of the ticket proceeds from this event will benefit Heartland Health for advanced technology in the early detection of breast cancer. Bring some extra cash-ola and participate in their 50/50 drawing, Chuck-a-Duck, and the silent auction. If you haven’t seen the Blacksnake Rollergirls in action this season, this is absolutely your last chance until 2014! Don’t miss it!

Click to see the event page on Facebook.
Graphic courtesy of the KCRW Junior Warriors.

Finally, the Kansas City Roller Warriors Junior Derby league returns to Winnwood Skate Center this Sunday for their September bout. Tickets are $10 at the door and the fun begins at 10:30 a.m. Don’t miss your last chance this season to see these amazing little ladies tear up the flat track!

The Great Shake-Up of 2013

The Kansas City Roller Warriors made a major announcement this morning for their 10th season on the flat track, and many of you, particularly the Regular Fans in the audience, aren’t going to believe your eyes.

For Season 10, not only is KCRW moving to a winter season, they also decided to implement the mother of all shake-ups and re-draft all the teams.

You read that right: there’s an above-average chance that your favorite players will be on different teams in the coming season, and there’s zero chance your favorite team(s) will look the same as last year.

Somebody call the waaaa-mbulance!

But fear not, faithful fans: this amazing league has some pretty special things cooking for the new season, and while we haven’t yet been cleared to announce or discuss them, you can bet that when the time comes, you’ll be just as excited as we are to see these Roller Warriors back in action.

In the meantime, here are the complete team line-ups for your new Kansas City Roller Warriors as they look ahead to their 10th season of derby madness.

Black Eye Susans

Bella Fire

Tuff Noogies & Peter Babriel

Angry Berta
Bettie Jean
Love Tap
Milli Watt
Nancy Pants
Peanut Butter Panic
Roxy Rotsalot
Stabbie Enyabach


Annie Maul

Mary Lou Wretched

Bad Omen
Jess Decker
Sea Monstrosity
Shirley Gonnahitya
Sneaky Pete

Victory Vixens

Ruth Canal


Ash Ketch ’em
Black Ice
Bubonic Peg
Chum Fiesta
Fat Lips
Hyli Xplosive
JonBenet Slamsey
Maus Trap
Ms. Smack-Man
Remy Killjoy

Dreadnought Dorothys

Jade Lightning

Road Hash

Apel Sauce
Baby Buster
Buffy Slammers
Bonita Bandita
Cold Gin
Erin No Bragh
Shady O’Dread
Sk8l Attraction
Tara Tendon
Thugz ‘N Kissez
Twisted Momma

Poll: The Great Shake-Up of 2013

And now, derby fans, it’s time to let your voice be heard! What’s your immediate impression of the new line-ups for KCRW’s 10th season? Are you excited about the changes, or should they have left well enough alone? We’ll leave the poll open for seven days and then publish the results here and on our Facebook page.

Want to be a Roller Warrior?

Reprinted here with permission from the Kansas City Roller Warriors Wreck League for immediate publishing:

Click for full-size flyer.

Have you expressed interest in joining KCRW or attended our Wreck League in 2013? Are you skating currently and want to step up your game in a new way? Well, get ready!

Big changes are afoot for KCRW! As we enter our tenth season, we are shaking things up and shifting our schedule to more of a winter season. We have an immediate need to fill the open spots on our league! Our practice space is slowly getting back together, but is still in the slow moving world of insurance and is still not accessible to us.

Therefore, we have decided to hold an intense boot camp in the month of September to whip everyone into shape for tryouts in early October. Our KCRW Pump Up Camp (PUC) will begin next week! These practices will be held at Winnwood Skate Center at I-35 and Chouteau until further notice.

Orientation / First Practice Date:
Tuesday September 3, 7:00pm – 9:00pm
At the orientation you will be able to fill out paperwork and we will have our first skating practice.

What to bring:
A photocopy of your driver’s license and a photocopy of your proof of health insurance. We will have waivers for you to sign. You will need all WFTDA approved gear including helmet, mouthguard, wrist guards, elbow pads, and knee pads. Rink skates will be available if you don’t have skates. Dress like you are going to sweat.

$45 for the entire camp. This includes all practices and your tryout fee. This is a special camp fee. Payments already made toward Wreck punch cards will not count towards this fee.

All the following dates will be PUC practice. You may attend as many or as few practices as you are able. There is no attendance requirement, but attendance may factor into the draft selections.

Tuesdays 7pm-9pm: September 3, 10, 17, 24
Wednesdays 7pm-9pm: September 11, 18, 25
Sundays 8am-10am: September 8, 29

Skaters must pass the Final Minimum Skills Test (MST) in order to qualify for tryouts. Scrimmage showcases will be final chance for league decision makers to watch and make draft selections. 20 open spots does not guarantee 20 trying out will be drafted.

Final Minimum Skills Test:
October 1 at 7pm – 9pm
This is the final night you can sign up to be eligible for the following Tryout Showcase week through October 6th.

Scrimmage Showcase:
October 2nd 8:30pm – 9:30pm and October 6th 8am-10am

Dates above may be subject to change. Watch the Wreck League Facebook page for changes! Winnwood may have skate parties starting in October & the 7pm start time, may be pushed to an 8pm-10pm time slot. We will keep you posted once we have confirmed October!

Thanks you SO MUCH for your interest in joining KCRW and your patience during this challenging time for us! Sorry for the short notice, but we are having to react quickly and roll with some of these changes and challenges.

If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to ask! We hope to see you at PUMP UP CAMP!

-Ruff Draft
-Buffy Slammers
-Wreck League Co-Chairs

Game Photos: Rink of Fire 2013

If you’ve been following our annual shenanigans on Facebook this week, you know by now how the 2013 Rink of Fire championship went. The Victory Vixens scored a third-place win over the Dreadnought Dorothys by a score of 197-86, and the Black Eye Susans pulled out a literal last-second win against the slightly-favored Knockouts with a 176-162 final score that, as close as that is in flat track, doesn’t begin to describe the game-ending intensity — nay, insanity — roller derby fans were treated to in the final moments of this amazing season.

The Knockouts‘ jammer was sent to the box in the very first jam and allowed the Susans to jump out in front 24-0. Eleven minutes later, the KOs had roared back and taken the lead 70-28 with about 18 minutes left in the first period. By halftime, the Black & Yellow had pared the Glitter Mafia’s lead down to 30 and was poised to strike not only at the heart of the Knockouts‘ defense, but at the root of all latent cardiovascular maladies lurking silently in the audience, mine included.

Without game footage in front of me, and with only scrambled memories and KC Derby Digest‘s Twitter feed to guide me, I can tell you that as time ticked away in the final period of this championship game, the Knockouts‘ lead gradually dwindled until the final jam of regulation. At that point, the Susans seemed to pull ahead just as the clock ran out.

Did we win???

I’ve never personally experienced such an intense wait at a bout. I was standing at Turn One next to Damsel of D’Tension, who was bench coaching that night, and as officials on the track communicated with NSOs on the sidelines, fans were shocked to discover that the score was dead even at 158.

Fans stood and wondered. Those Susans who had begun celebrating prematurely were gradually silenced. Few people in the auditorium that night had ever seen a WFTDA bout go into overtime, and as such, we were all in for a real treat. It may have had something to do with the fact that no one knew what the hell was going to happen.

As it was explained to us over the PA, one overtime jam is held. There is no lead jammer, so the jam will last the full two excruciating minutes. Whichever team is ahead at the end of the jam will take the game, of course, and repeat overtime jams may be held in the event of another tie. Everyone scooted a little closer to the edges of their seats; the teams lined up, the whistle blew, and the skaters were off.

Moments later, the Knockouts‘ jammer, Bomb Pop, was sent to the box on what I believe was a track-cut penalty [citation needed], which allowed the Susans’ Trauma a golden opportunity to fight her way through the KO’s formidable defense and score points unopposed. By the time Bomb Pop‘s penalty had been served and she had re-entered the game, Trauma was too far ahead to be caught, and there wasn’t nearly enough time for the Ladies in Teal to make up the difference. The Black Eye Susans brought home their first-ever Rink of Fire championship as the audience inside Municipal Auditorium absolutely lost its shit in a way I’ve never seen in the four years I’ve been doing this. It was far and away the best Rink of Fire I’ve ever witnessed.

We have game photos, as always, and this could be one of the most amazing sets we’ve captured all season.

Click to see the full, amazing album.

It was great to see retired Susans out there celebrating with their old team, players like Oucho Marx, Kay C. Shuffle, and Yvette Yerass. It was great to see the supreme sportsmanship on the part of the Knockouts, whose phenomenal 2013 season had brought them this far. And it was great to see the Black Eye Susans hoisting the trophy over their heads after years of struggle, determination, and monumental progress that gradually brought them from the bottom of the heap to the very top.

Many, many thanks to the entire Kansas City Roller Warriors organization for an outstanding season. We simply can’t wait to see you all back on the flat track in 2014.