In a year that can’t seem to make up its mind—and a return to derby that seems to be happening in fits and starts all over—don’t try to tell Fountain City Roller Derby that things aren’t going strong, because this Saturday night, the four house teams take the track for the last time this season to show us all what they’re made of.
Here’s how the season has shaken out up to this point:
- Shotgun Sheilas: 3-0
- Lovely Lethals: 2-1
- Deadly Sirens: 1-2
- Royal Pains: 0-3
Statistically, things don’t always line up quite so nicely. You know this game—there’s no telling how many times we’ve had to sit and pore over the numbers to find out what teams were even going to the championship bout, let alone who might win.
Championship Bout:
Shotgun Sheilas vs. Lovely Lethals
This year, like others, there are some constants and there are some surprises. The Shotgun Sheilas have gone undefeated for the umpteenth time; their appearance in the big game this weekend comes as no surprise to anyone who’s been watching since about 2012. They’re back-to-back defending champs, meaning they took home the trophy in 2018 and 2019; it hasn’t been awarded since all things COVID descended and took our beloved sport with it in early 2020, leaving us champ-less in ’20 and ’21.
The Lovely Lethals make their first championship appearance since they took home all the marbles in 2016, and they’re looking for an upset against a Sheilas squad that hasn’t lost a game since late ’17 and spent ’22 outscoring their opponents 187-79, a point differential of +108.
By contrast, the Lethals go into the championship game with a winning record but a negative point differential (-10), having been outscored by their opponents 122-132 on the season.
In fact, the Sheilas are the only team in the league to have outscored their opponents overall, and for all these reasons and more, we’re predicting a Shotgun Sheilas win by about 15 points.
As always, we expect a significant measure of statistical analysis to go out the window, given the nature of championship bouts, not to mention the fact that the Sheilas’ 36-20 win over the Lethals in Game 2 was their lowest-scoring game of the entire season. No other team held the Sheilas to anywhere near 36 points this year, so you can expect a fight from the Ladies in Pink as the women’s division wraps up another phenomenal season.
Grudge Match:
Deadly Sirens vs. Royal Pains
Let’s just be honest. The 2022 season hasn’t gone the way either of these two teams had hoped. The Royal Pains haven’t gone winless in quite a few years, and the Deadly Sirens have made some significant strides of late, even challenging the Sheilas for the trophy two years in a row. Although their championship efforts came up short (and COVID threw a wrench into absolutely everything), nobody really expected both the Pains and the Sirens to be at the bottom of the heap come June.
But here we are—two talented teams with stacked rosters slugging it out in the annual grudge match purely for bragging rights. Statistically, the Sirens have the edge, not only with a 1-2 record but also with a less-bad point differential of -45 to the Pains’ -52. Given the numbers, we expect the Sirens will probably pull this one out, but time will tell, and we’ve certainly been wrong before. These two teams boast very similar points scored/points allowed stats, so this year’s grudge match should be pretty even as well, which is what fans really want to see anyway.
Doors open at B&D Skate Center in Independence at 6:00 p.m., and the first whistle is promptly at 6:30.
Adult tickets are $15 at the door, and don’t forget that everyone 17 and under is admitted free with a parent or legal guardian.
Arrive early and get a good seat as these four explosive teams blow the roof off the joint in another spectacular season-ending flat-track showdown. Who’s your pick to take home the trophy? Will the Shotgun Sheilas make it a three-peat, or will the Lovely Lethals pull off the ultimate upset?
There’s only one way to find out. We’ll see you at B&D at 6:00 Saturday night!
