The 2023 Fountain City Roller Derby House Championship Preview

This Saturday night… we may see something we’ve never seen before.

First, some stats.

Current Standings

Deadly Sirens 3-0
Shotgun Sheilas 2-1
Lovely Lethals 1-2
Royal Pains 0-3

We’ve seen the numbers fall just perfectly like this a few times in the past, but never have we seen these numbers with the Deadly Sirens on top.

And you know what? They’re probably going to stay that way—but we won’t know until this Saturday night when the Sirens take on the Shotgun Sheilas, who are making their tenth consecutive championship appearance.

Yes, tenth—something that is unprecedented and unmatched in the annals of Kansas City roller derby. No other team, in this league or any other in this town, has made 10 consecutive championship appearances. That’s something that can’t be taken away no matter who wins this weekend.

By the Numbers

Deadly Sirens, 3-0
Points scored: 223
Points allowed: 126
Point differential: +97

Shotgun Sheilas, 2-1
Points scored: 208
Points allowed: 162
Point differential: +46

Lovely Lethals, 1-2
Points scored: 164
Points allowed: 224
Point differential: -60

Royal Pains, 0-3
Points scored: 140
Points allowed: 223
Point differential: -83

This would seem to be a run-of-the-mill championship bout: The two teams with the best records and the best point differentials are facing off for the trophy, and the best team will win. Right?

We tend to follow the numbers, but to be fair, that’s led to predictive disaster a fair number of times in the past, like when the Lovely Lethals upset the Sheilas in 2016, the Susans upset the Dorothys in 2017, and the Vixens threw everyone for a loop in 2019 when they took down the Knockouts in the upset of the century.

On one hand, the Sirens soundly defeated the Sheilas in their only match-up earlier this year, final score 58-35. On the other, if we know anything about the Shotgun Sheilas and their history, we know you’d be a fool to count them out completely. So we don’t.

But.

Truthfully, this is just the Sirens’ year. It’s going to happen. We’re predicting a Deadly Sirens win by a margin of 12 points—and that, my fellow derby fans, will complete the set. The Sirens will bring home their first-ever Fountain City Roller Derby house championship and bring a welcome end to one of the most bewildering dry spells in Kansas City roller derby history.

No one seems to know why a Sirens squad that’s traditionally been packed with talent can never seem to notch enough wins to make the magic happen, but this year, they finally have everything going for them—and we couldn’t be more thrilled. The only thing left is to do it. It’s going to be one hell of a championship game.

So join us trackside this Saturday night for the final house game of the season. The Royal Pains and Lovely Lethals will kick the night off with the annual grudge match, and then it’s go time: The Sirens and the Sheilas face off for all the marbles. As always, we can’t wait to see how this one shakes out, and we wish all of these teams nothing but the best of luck as they show us all, once again, what they’re made of.


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